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Jingdong book

90秒内赢得好感(升级版)

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90秒内赢得好感(升级版)

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Content Description

沟通是建立人际关系的基本要素,但并非所有人都能准确把握。《90秒内赢得好感(升级版)》介绍了在沟通中如何给对方留下好的印象,并维持长久而良好的关系。作者认为人们在最初沟通时的前90秒是至关重要的,《90秒内赢得好感(升级版)》专注于这一点,首先对人们的沟通过程进行了剖析,之后介绍了如何倾听、如何洞察对方的感官偏好等,最后提供了有助于提高交往能力的练习题,易用、有效。《90秒内赢得好感(升级版)》适用于面试、销售、管理、观点推介、入学申请,以及寻找知己。
Author Description

王瑶,毕业于北京外国语大学英语语言文学专业,获得硕士学位。其翻译风格流畅、准确,翻译过包括《你的职业性格是什么》《卡内基的演讲艺术》《速度》等多部图书,有丰富的翻译经验。
Catalogue

第1部分 初次见面
第1章 人的力量
交往的益处
可爱的好处
为什么是90秒
第2章 第一印象
相遇
建立联系
接下来的内容更精彩

第2部分 联系
第3章 这个人身上有我非常喜欢的东西
自然的联系
偶然发生的联系
刻意的联系
第4章 态度决定一切
真正有用的态度
真正无用的态度
选择在你手中
第5章 事实胜于雄辩
身体语言
消除紧张
第6章 只有自己喜欢自己,别人才会喜欢你
自然同步性
同步的艺术

第3部分 沟通的秘密
第7章 不要喋喋不休,重要的是倾听
停止诉说,开始提问
积极倾听
给予和索取
第8章 理解我们的感觉
视觉型、听觉型还是感觉型?
适应对方的感官偏好
第9章 洞察对方的感官偏好
感官偏好剖析
言语线索
眼睛流露的线索
第10章 总结
从何处开始
假设联系
现代寓言
附录 “小事情 大不同”练习册
Book Abstract

《90秒内赢得好感(升级版)》:
同步的艺术
但是为什么要等着联系从天而降呢?为什么不能一相见就试着和对方的行为同步呢?为什么不用上90秒或是更短的时间来刻意建立关系呢?
观察餐厅、咖啡屋、商场或是其他的公共场所,看看哪些人是有联系的,哪些人没有。有联系的人坐在一起的姿势是相同的。注意他们是怎样贴近彼此的,注意他们腿和手臂的位置。有联系的人像是舞蹈演员一样合拍:一个人把杯子端起来,另一个人也会端起来;一个人靠回来,另一个会跟着靠过来;一个人轻声说话,另一个人也会这样。这种“舞蹈”会持续下去,两人的身体姿势、节奏和语气都会变得十分合拍。现在,看看有没有坐在一起却不合拍的人,看看他们和上面讲的合拍的人有什么不同,哪群人看起来过得更开心?
我最近在伦敦的一个礼堂做了个演讲,在第10排左右坐着一对夫妇,两人的着装无可挑剔,非常注重色彩和细节。我注意到他们的时候,他们坐姿相同,都双手紧扣,靠近自己右边的扶手。就像是收到事先商量好的信号似的,他们都把重心移到了另外一个扶手上,就像合拍的游泳选手一样,同时点头,同时微笑,他们会对我说的每件事表示认同。我在演讲后追上他们,才知道他们已经结婚4"7年了。他们硬朗、健康、开心,而且彼此完全合拍。
我们的目的就是去探寻同步性是如何形成的,然后不断进行自我调整,练成能够适应各种各样的人的功力。麦拉宾教授将人与人之间沟通的三个方面归纳为视觉、听觉及话语,而建立联系的关键就是学会如何在这三方面和对方达到同步,尽可能地与对方相似,以此达到沟通的目的。
但是,这样做是不是意味着虚伪和毫无诚意?不是。你的行为是自然发生的。就像看电影时,看到大树砸到人身上,你会吓得退后;看到摔跤手胃部吃了一拳,你也会觉得疼;有人对你微笑,你就想要对他笑;有人打呵欠,你也想打呵欠;有人哭了,你也想哭。看,我们整天都在无意识的状态下和别人达到同步。
达到同步是适应他人的一种方式。记住,我们讲的只是在那一分半钟时间里发生的事情。我们并不是要求你彻头彻尾地改变自己的性格。你所做的只是让在时间充裕的情况下会发生的行为提早发生罢了。我们并不是要一味地仿效对方的动作、语气和话语,只是把对方当做朋友对待,如此而已。
在外国旅行时,你会经常发现吹风机或者电动剃须刀的插头无法插进插座,这时你就需要一只适配器。适配器是一种可以让你把插头插进电源并使用的连接装置。这就是你在和他人沟通时需要的东西。像吹风机和电动剃须刀一样,你必须要有一个适配器,与对方同步就是这样一种连接莓置,它可以使你在短时间内就能随心所欲地和对方顺利沟通。达到同步可以使对方敞开心扉,轻松惬意,它可以让对方喜欢和你待在一起。只要去做他们做的事情,你就可以变得与对方相像。这时对方就会想,我也不清楚到底是哪一点,但是这个人身上真的有让我非常喜欢的东西。
把达到同步想象成和另一个人并肩划船,向着和对方相同的方向,按照同样的速度,遵从对方的动作幅度、划法、呼吸的方式,保持相同的情绪和视角,他划动船桨的时候,你也跟着划动。
几年前的一个晚上,我的两个最小的孩子在上滑雪课,我坐在滑雪俱乐部的小屋里等着他们下课。我的邻居忽然走了进来,他是个律师,每次见到我们家人都只是礼貌地点点头。看到他进来的那一刻,我就下定决心要在他身上尝试一下简单的同步性试验。首先,我确定了自己的目的,我要不断地使自己和他同步,直到他非常明确地把我当成朋友。我镇定地站起来,他也注意到了我。于是,我们在大屋子的中央相遇了。
“你好!”他和我握手的时候紧绷着嘴唇微笑。
“你好!”模仿着他的语气和他的站姿,我回应道。
他一手放在臀部,一手指着房间的窗口,说道:“我在等孩子练完。”
“我也是,”我应道,模仿着他的姿势:“我也在等孩子练完。”
在不到30秒钟内,我们的谈话简单而正常。在这一期间,我以充满敬意的方式尽量和他同步。这时,他突然说:“你知道吗?我们和你与你的家人见面不多,不如你们哪天晚上来我们家吃饭吧!”
我们当时就确定了吃饭的时间,通过他歪歪嘴角的方式,我就几乎可以知道到底发生了什么事。他在想,这个人身上有我非常喜欢的地方,但是我不清楚到底是什么地方。显然,如果他知道我只是在模仿他,他是绝不会邀请我们去他家吃饭的。
对于这个人,我采用了一种真正有用的温暖态度。即使刻意地想和他合拍,我也只是停留在表面的同步性上而已。面对他,我马上换上了他的姿势,使用相似的手势和面部表情。至于语言部分,他的语气和语速很好模仿,我在措辞上也尽量和他保持一致。整个过程其实只有几秒钟,这个过程很有意思,令人感觉不错。我确实想进一步地了解他,这就是个好机会。我相信我们彼此都体会到了只有人与人之间沟通才能产生的喜悦,也就是建立新关系的喜悦。相互交际发展关系可以使你收获新的朋友或是找到自己的伴侣,这世上没有什么事情比这更让人激动不已而又大受裨益的了。
……
Introduction

其实成功的“秘诀”不难领会。你的交际能力越强,你的生活质量就会越高。
我最早是在做时尚广告摄影师的时候发现了和人相处的诀窍。不管是和单个的模特合作拍摄《时尚》的内页,还是和400人一起参加挪威巡游航线的宣传活动,对我而言,和人打交道显然多于和相机打交道。拍摄地点其实并不重要,无论是在旧金山里兹酒店的大堂,还是在非洲山上摇摇欲坠的小屋,和人交往的法则都是一样的。
在我的记忆中,和人交往是件很容易的事情。这是天分吗?和人交往的本事究竟是与生俱来的天赋还是我们的后天习得?如果这种本事是可学的,那么是可教的吗?我决定找出这些问题的答案。
25年来,我在为世界各地的杂志拍照。从摄影经历中,我领悟到态度和肢体语言对于创造强烈的视觉印象至关重要——杂志广告必须在两秒钟之内引起读者的注意。我还发现一种方法,可以通过运用肢体语言和语调,使完全陌生的人感到舒服,从而愿意合作。我的第三点发现是,恰到好处的只言片语,就几乎可以调动任何拍照对象的表情、情绪和动作。怀揣着这些领悟,我决定进行深入探究。
为什么有些人相处起来容易,有些人难以相处?对于一个初识的人,为什么我可以和他聊得津津有味,而有些人却觉得他了无生趣,甚至充满恶意。这期间显然发生了一些我们没有意识到的事。那么究竟发生了什么事呢?
带着这些疑问,我接触到了加州大学洛杉矶分校的理查德班德勒博士和约翰葛瑞德博士的早期研究内容,他们的研究课题有一个晦涩的名字,叫做“神经语言程序学”,简称为NLP。我出于摄影师本能所发现和探究的许多行为,就是这两人及其同事所研究的对象,他们称之为“个人魅力的艺术和科学”。他们有很多新的发现,其中之一就是,他们提出,每个人都有一个“最佳感官”。找到这种感官,就找到了打开对方心房、洞悉对方思想的钥匙。
未来的道路越发明朗,于是,我收起了相机,决定专心研究人们身体内部是如何运转的,以及其相应的外部是如何呈现的。在接下来的几年里,我在伦敦和纽约师从于班德勒博士,取得了NLP高级执行师的执照。我还在美国、加拿大和英国学习了“不可抗语言模式”,深入研究了与人类交际相关的大脑活动。我与美国的演员、喜剧表演者和戏剧老师,以及非洲的讲故事者一起,将即兴表演的训练转化为可以提高谈话技巧的练习。
从此以后,我开始在世界各地为各种各样的团体或个人举办讲座或讲演,我的听众中有销售团队,也有老师,有自认为无所不知的领导,也有因为害羞而被误认为愚笨的小孩。我清楚地认识到了一点:让对方在90秒钟甚至更短的时间内喜欢上你的技巧,是可以通过自然简单的方式传授给每一个人的。
总有人对我说:“尼克,这可太神奇了!你为什么不把它写下来?”于是,我听了这些人的话,把它记录下来,写成了这本书。
尼古拉斯·布斯曼

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Jingdong book