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Jingdong book

干得漂亮是能力,活得漂亮是本事

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Content Description

生活从来都是一件件小事,
岁月公平,长长的人生都是短短的回忆。
在人心焦虑和不断奔波的年代里,如何心平气和地走一路,
就是人生的意义。
你不掌控生活,就由别人掌控你。
只要自己努力过,就是成功了。

Author Description

谢可慧,专栏作家,公众号“秋小愚”主理人,读者心中“温暖的情感倾诉者”,和你讲42个知心故事,谈谈如何在每个年纪都不再恐慌。在她的故事里,你一定会爱上自己的生活,也喜欢当下的自己。

Catalogue

愿你无论在哪个年纪,都不再恐慌
保持自己的生活节奏到底有多重要/00
我努力,是为了让我的本事配得上我的情怀/00
假如我们一辈子没成功/0
没有永远的离别,只有不愿后会有期的心/0
你当温柔,但不是妥协/0
我努力生活,不是为了感动谁/0
愿有一天,我们能悦纳所有的指点/0
对不起,别再夸我是好人了/0
你是不是过早死去的年轻人
你是不是过早死去的年轻人/0
二十岁,你是否也站在人潮里战战兢兢/0
你真的不可能让所有人都喜欢你/0
年轻人,你怎么总是不高兴/0
我们总要努力,活成自己喜欢的样子/0
你的独立,就是你的底气/0
你是不是打算迷茫一辈子/0
你以为换个工作就顺心了/0
你的从容,岁月会懂
你的从容,岁月会懂/0
女人值不值钱,不是由婚姻决定的/0
有一种教养,叫不随便麻烦别人/
愿所有深情不被辜负,愿你的真心也有人懂/
患难是人生的照妖镜/
嫁对人是一种怎样的感觉/
与孤独签一个体面的协议/
每一段背井离乡的爱情,都因为一万个“我愿意”/
你的容貌,有你对待生活的态度
你的容貌,有你对待生活的态度/
你结婚那天,我失恋了/
孤独是最佳的重生期/
为什么你的优秀让人嫉妒/
我脾气好,不是代表没脾气/
我也是遇到你才想到结婚的/
修得豆腐嘴,别丢了刀子心/
没有谁的独来独往是与生俱来的/
我们都是风雨夜归人
我们都是风雨夜归人/
不要随意富养你的孩子/
对不起,我从不感谢伤害我的人/
我们不能总把坏情绪留给父母/
我们最不能放弃的,是平凡的幸福/
我始终相信好心有好报/
去见你想见的人,趁还活着/
你是我丢了两次的爱人/
一个人也要好好过/
有一种拒绝叫“我很忙”/

Book Abstract

你是不是过早死去的年轻人
罗曼·罗兰在《约翰·克利斯朵夫》中有一句话:“大部分人在二三十岁时就死去了,因为过了这个年龄,他们只是自己的影子,此后的余生则是在模仿自己中度过,日复一日,更机械,更装腔作势地重复他们在有生之年的所作所为,所思所想,所爱所恨”。
二三十而死,七八十而葬。
在迎接三十岁的零时,我们走在一条空旷的巷子里,我问老陈:“年长了一岁,除了庆贺成长,离死亡好像也近了。死亡,到底什么是死亡?”
老陈沉默了很久,回答:“好像近在咫尺,或许已经是了。”
他并没有如从前一般,与我嬉笑,南方的冬天深夜刺骨,存在脑海里的事会在夜晚钻进你的骨子里。我知道他又想起了某一件事,那一天,我们也开始思考什么是真正的死亡。
事情的主人公是我的一对朋友——麦子小姐和她的先生。
麦子小姐和她的先生吵了人生中最惨烈的一次架,就在一周前,在我和我的先生面前,她落泪,咆哮,声嘶力竭。我和先生尴尬地坐在他们对面,不敢离去,也无法劝慰,一瞬间,我们并不相信,就这样目睹了一对小夫妻绝望的对白。
麦子和老胡毕业后,一同进入一家大型企业工作,自由恋爱后结婚,过着朝九晚五的生活,是最普通的工薪家庭,似乎并没有任何惊喜,也暂无风浪可言。素日见面,两人恩爱无比。三四年后,尤其是最近一年,两个人开始彼此有了龃龉。比如麦子,她好几次与我说,每到周末老胡不是睡觉就是打游戏,整天睡眼朦胧,不干家务,也不学习读书,更没什么爱好,总感觉自己与一个木偶活在一起,而木偶上的线,是生活滚滚向前的时间。
我不知道怎么安慰她,只是告诉她,男人嘛,你希望他能做什么,还不如把自己当活雷锋。其实,我也在安慰我自己而已。每一个老陈回家的夜晚,你永远可以看到他一边飞快地看手机,一边不停地按电脑。他很少主动关心你的近况,也从来没有任何爱好,若是你问他,你究竟多久没读书了。他会反问你“为什么要读?”
一个人从来不会因为生活苦而绝望,他们绝望的是根本看不到希望。麦子那一刻就是这样的感受。
麦子说:“你知道吗,我每次看到他就特别绝望。我时常担心,一旦离开了工作,他还会做什么?”
老胡脱口而出:“我人生的目标就是早点退休啊……反正几乎能看到退休时自己的样子了。”老胡笑着,他根本没有意识到麦子的焦虑,接着说:“以不变应万变嘛!你看你上周进了一批发卡,去学校门口卖,一个晚上赚了30元,你觉得很值得吗?”
老胡时常这样开玩笑,可这一次算彻底把麦子激怒了:“30元是很少,但是我至少知道尝试,知道如何让自己有生存技能。好,你或许认为我不务正业,工作上,你也不求上进,发文件错别字连篇,写个文字稿词不达意,你也不在意,过一天算一天。领导有看法,同事也觉得无法合作,你那么懒惰与草率,谁愿意与你在一起!”
说的好像也是事实,老胡的脸色也变得有些难看:“我没用,那你呢?你认真做好每一件事,可我并没有看到你有什么进步,至少在职务上;你做生意,一个晚上30元,又叫又卖,我还真丢不起这人。成功本来就是少数人的事,轮不上你!”老胡冷笑着说。
麦子哭了。之后的话,彼此已经全然不顾最后的尊严,互相撕下了昔日彬彬有礼的外表,横眉竖目。于是,我们成了唯一的那对观众,一言不发。
人生来就很容易享受生活带给我们的稳定感。稳定是能够给人一种愉悦感的,它至少代表着你不需要头破血流,奔走四方,就可以唾手而得所有原本该有的一切,也代表着你可以后顾无忧地去做你想做的事,因为你所拥有的稳定,就是你最后的港湾。
也很少有人会刻意喜欢一种叫努力的生活,它可能会让你变好,但在没有让你变得最糟糕的时候,你永远希望得过且过,因为过一种“不变”的生活真的太容易了,它甚至于不需要你动脑子,就机械地过完了一整天。
说说我的父亲,他至今仍然感谢他在年轻的时候,学习了一门技艺,至少在2000年下岗之后不至于在需要承受地位带来的差异时,还需要承受经济带来的痛苦。
像我父亲一代人,许多人进了国有企业,原以为可以安然度过自己的工作生涯。在包分配的时代,旱涝保收,没有人会真正在意十年后、二十年后自己需要变成怎样的自己,他们并没有料想到,有一天,也会加入与年轻人争饭碗,用资历去赚钱的队伍。
父亲是个非常内向,非常不会打交道的男人。他经常鼓励我多说话,他也知道,他的不善言辞,有意无意间让他吃过许多暗亏。但他非常努力,他有一个目标,就是一定要学习一门技艺。
他刚入厂的时候,是仓库里宰猪的,这不是什么技术活,身高力大的他做得比谁都快。于是闲暇时,字还不错的他,开始帮主任抄写材料。后来,单位缺财务,父亲开始学起了财务。
自然是有人教的,可父亲终归也是个新手,35岁的他在单位里打了整整两个月的地铺,每天晚上看各种会计学的书,抄写公式,白天跟老会计请教。母亲说,两个月后,父亲回家,她都快不认识他了。入门后,父亲就开始回家读书了,那时家里没有书房,父亲怕影响我们娘俩睡觉,夜晚搬个小板凳跑去路灯下看书,这个桥段是不是很像故事情节,但是却是真的,那个小板凳,现在还在家,父亲舍不得扔掉。
之后,父亲成为当时商业系统唯一去外地进修的年轻会计,后来成了财务科科长。其实,我也短暂地享受过父亲的地位带给我的荣耀,但真的很短暂,短暂到我现在几乎已经没有什么记忆了。
有一件事,让我印象特别深刻,其实,在父亲当财务科科长的一段时间,曾有机会去某个厂里当厂长,但父亲拒绝了,他觉得技术永远比所谓的职务更重要。他从来没有停止过学习,他读了大专,又去考了会计师,不停地买书进修,到现在,图书馆里还时常可以看到一个头发微白的老人在看书、记笔记。
父亲下岗后进了一个私营企业当财务经理,还接了一些会计的活,衣食还算无忧。
我想说,在某些时候,父亲就是我的榜样,虽然他是一个普通人,没有什么成就也不伟大,但他不停地努力,成就了当下最好的他。
理查德·耶茨有一个小说叫《乔迪撞大运》,里面的主人公是一个军人,他刚入伍的时候,连长是个不苟言笑的军官,时常严苛地要求他们,他们在内心对他咒骂了一万遍,可是碍于上下有别又无力抗争,于是只能强压心中的怒火。后来连长走了,他们很高兴,下一任连长确实不再如之前的连长一样,那么严格,可是他们渐渐发现,他们不再“像个军人”了。
我说这个故事是想说,当我们走进社会之后,许多人开始变得自由。这种自由就是终于可以因为自己是个成年人,随心所欲地做任何事。
嗯,你或许想说,我开心就好。可是你再扪心问问自己,是不是也曾在夜深人静的时候,想起自己曾经的梦想,再看看现在的样子,然后叹息;是不是也在那个实现了自己人生理想的人的面前,有一点点羡慕;或者说,你也想做一些自己想做的事,有一个自己人生的目标,只是从来没有迈开脚步,往前走。
前些日子,我的一个朋友与我说:你知道吗?我曾经的人生梦想是当一个画家。可是,现在想想,我画了也未必有人会看啊,还浪费我的时间金钱,还有,我可能十分努力,也成不了画家,想到这里,我还是放弃吧,不如睡觉养神多活几年。
我们总是瞻前顾后,可莫不是,因为太安于当下不变的生活了。
我也是在最近几年,才意识到不要过早地让自己看到自己退休时候,乃至老去的模样。你不掌控生活,那么,就由别人掌控你。
我写作的这些年,其实,并没有什么起色,除了运气还算不错——遇到了一群好的编辑以及好的读者。但我唯一愿意的,就是努力写。
可能我的方式也并不是最好的,但我愿意删掉自己曾经最爱的游戏,也愿意放弃不必要的逛街,舍弃无用的社交,是为了在工作之余,做一点自己喜欢的,愿意为之奋斗的事——读书和写作。
我时常自我安慰,只要自己努力过,其实就是成功了。年轻的时候,像个年轻人一样去做自己的梦,为了梦想而努力,这样也不枉费活过一场。
你是不是过早死去的年轻人?
不!
愿我们都热情地活着,与时间并驾齐驱,身体与灵魂努力在漫长的岁月里行进。用杰克·凯鲁亚克小说的一句话结尾:Everyoungful,Everweeping.永远年轻,永远热泪盈眶。
……

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$1.66 $1.99 83折

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