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Jingdong book

会痛的不是爱(合订本 套装上下册)

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经由本书,学习释放关系中的误解与恐惧,让爱成为你的选择。

Content Description

这本书就像是你灵性成长途中的路标。事实上,一路上有366个路标——为一年当中的每一天设计(包含闰年的情形)。每个路标都各异其趣,却又不离其旨。关键讯息是,如果你陷入痛苦之中,那代表你选择的是别的事物,而不是爱。因此,请选择爱。深陷痛苦时,感觉它,但要选择爱。当害怕的时候,诚实面对,但要选择爱。当不开心的时候,坦诚以告,但要选择爱。当你选择爱,就是选择了天堂。
Comments

★作为爱人、朋友与亲人的恰克与兰西夫妇,为我们展示了亲密关系可以深抵的极致,他们运用高层心灵向彼此敞开,结合成纯粹的光与爱,不仅支持彼此,更支持所有在自我内在和亲密关系中受苦的灵魂。
直面你的使命所在,让亲密关系成为成长的高速路。
——心灵海创办人 游明裕(Robert)& 王婷莹(Mavis)
Catalogue

1.亲密能疗愈一切 / 001
2.任何不是爱的行为,都是在呼求爱 / 002
3.宽恕改变观感 / 004
4.宽恕并非小我所能,而是大我透过我而完成的 / 006
5.承诺和自由是同一回事 / 007
6.关系中的另一半是我的队友 / 009
7.伴侣不是为了满足我的需求而存在的 / 010
8.我越爱控制另一半,对方越变得无聊 / 011
9.只有当我试图索取时,才会觉得被拒绝 / 012
10.连接就是拥有爱、宽恕和喜乐 / 013
11.破碎的心,是一种用罪疚感控制他人的企图 / 014
12.每个防卫背后都藏有旧伤痛 / 015
13.我控制,因为我承受不了事情这么美好 / 016
14.若想在关系中美梦成真,我就持续看见、感受我所想要的 / 017
15.当我希望自己的某个需求得到满足时,我反而会给出我觉得我所需要的 / 018
16.支配与被支配的需求来自于恐惧 / 019
17.在任何冲突中,双方行为相反,事后的感觉却一样 / 020
18.祝福是牺牲的解药 / 021
19.连接才是我的实相 / 022
20.当我在他人孤立之处与他结合,对方获得疗愈,而我得到一份礼物 / 024
21.创造力将满足我的所有需求 / 025
22.在关系的河流中,重要的是桥梁,而不是两边的河岸 / 026
23.我不接受父母的地方,会在我身上表现出来 / 027
24.如若心怀怨怼,把自己当成引发怨怼的人,向他道歉 / 028
25.如果感到精疲力竭,我就是在扮演角色 / 029
26.当我感到依赖且需索无度时,我放下,并信任 / 030
27.直到接受为止,抗拒的才会消失 / 031
28.丰盛来自于愿意领受 / 032
29.若不是全赢,便不是真理 / 033
30.痛苦就是我将连结之线切断的地方 / 034
31.性爱是一种沟通 / 035
32.若要疗愈无聊,须在情绪上冒险 / 037
33.关系当中,一方会发现问题,一方会解决问题 / 038
34.付出即是领受 / 040
35.“若无所期望,一切皆俱足;若有所期望,万物皆不足。” / 041
36.我期望的程度就是我感受压力的程度 / 042
37.期望是等着引爆的定时炸弹 / 044
38.期望摧毁经验 / 045
39.我所压抑的,我的孩子将会表现出来 / 046
40.我越爱自己,就越能感受被爱 / 048
41.当快抵达新层次时,诱惑将会出现 / 050
42.保持敞开并时刻观照自己的感觉将创造疗愈 / 052
43.我期望越少,就能领受越多 / 053
44.独立的伴侣若看重另一半,将能使关系向前进 / 054
45.要拥有令人兴奋的关系,须在情绪上冒险 / 055
46.观感实为投射 / 057
47.当我给予却受到伤害时,其实我是为了索取而给予 / 059
48.罪疚之下必藏有恐惧 / 060
49.我真正痛苦的原因永远都不如我所想象 / 062
50.领受即是付出 / 063
51.我期望从他人身上得到的,正是我没给自己的 / 064
52.依赖总是尝试在当下满足过去未满足的需求 / 065
53.所有问题都是害怕迈出下一步 / 066
54.若我的关系停滞不前,是因为我害怕看到向前迈进后的结果 / 067
55.痛苦表示我正在犯错 / 068
56.只有在失去信任时,我才会想要控制 / 069
57.我的经验和记忆是观感,而非事件本身 / 070
58.当伴侣的意见与我相左时,正是在召唤我采取一种新的生活方式 / 071
59.当伴侣与我呈现两极化时,透过整合,我便提升至崭新的层次 / 072
60.当我拒绝的时候,我会感到被拒绝 / 073
61.在权力斗争中,对方拥有我所失落的一片碎片 / 075
62.孤单来自于我想证明自己的特殊性 / 076
63.当我害怕领受时,就创造出问题让自己分心 / 077
64.当我害怕可能到来的美好时,我就创造问题 / 078
65.关系是帮助成长的最快路径 / 079
66.要结束外在冲突,先从改变内在开始 / 080
67.我越想抓住,反而错失越多 / 081
68.当我愿意放下时,总是会得到更好的 / 082
69.每场权力斗争都提醒了我曾经受伤的地方 / 083
70.观照我的感觉,是最根本的疗愈之道 / 084
71.为了解决关系中的问题,我宽恕我的母亲 / 085
72.期望是对未来的恐惧 / 086
73.感觉遭到拒绝可能是对感到罪疚的防卫 / 087
74.我独立的程度即是我否定自己依赖的程度 / 088
75.独立的最后阶段:死亡区 / 089
76.我的爱能疗愈所有苦痛 / 091
77.当情况变糟糕时,其实可能正在好转 / 092
78.终极目标是全然依靠宇宙 / 094
79.当我感觉收缩时,反而要靠近人并付出 / 095
80.当我害怕踏出下一步时,关系中就会出现问题 / 096
81.我的期望是对隐藏需求的补偿 / 097
82.关系中的痛苦与冲突来自于规矩被打破 / 098
83.所有冲突当中,双方的感觉是相同的 / 100
84.当我的恐惧或抗拒过于强烈,让我无法向伴侣靠近时,我请求老天的帮助 / 101
85.每个英雄都需要反派或可以拯救的对象 / 102
86.若我没有试图报复,我不可能会是受害者 / 104
87.我朝伴侣迈出的每一步,都加强了我的个人力量 / 106
88.所有人的行为都映射出我的选择 / 107
89.抱怨是直接的自我攻击 / 109
90.所有对他人的评断都是对我自己的评断 / 110
91.我放纵的程度,就是我落入牺牲的程度 / 111
92.愤怒是为自己的所作所为而责备他人 / 112
93.所有愤怒都来自于缺乏信任和旧伤 / 114
94.愤怒总是一种用罪疚感来控制的意图 / 115
95.愤怒是一种控制,好达到我的需求 / 116
96.愤怒隐藏了恩典 / 118
97.承诺让我能敞开去领受 / 119
98.承诺表示忠于自己 / 120
99.承诺能够克服所有问题 / 121
100.我的痛苦可能是对自己性能量的防卫 / 122
......
Book Abstract

任何不是爱的行为,都是在呼求爱
仔细觉察身边的人的行为,哪些是爱?哪些不是爱?那些不是爱的行为,其实是在呼求爱。如果有人特意攻击我们,那就是特意在呼求我们的爱。若我们愿意对那样的行为做出回应——不是防卫,而是靠近发出攻击的人,对他付出,那么便能赢得一位盟友。这位曾攻击你的人,未来,无论情境是顺遂还是艰困,他都将对你忠心耿耿。然而现在,他需要我们的爱。
有些人受困于死寂中,有些人受困于攻击里。此时我们被召唤,要记起:当我们处于困境、危机,当自己几乎有口难言时,那是什么样的心情。同样,这些攻击我们的人,也是在呼求帮助,呼求我们的爱。看看四周,我们将会看到谁在召唤我们的回应,谁在召唤我们靠近,谁在召唤我们的帮助。
练习
今天,想想看,在你生命中,哪些人对你的攻击毫不留情。想象他们和你一起在这里,而你带着回应力向他们靠近,了解对方的攻击其实是在呼求你的帮助。他们需要你什么样的帮助?你能如何帮助他们?看看自己得到什么样的启发来回应他们。你得到启发要打电话给他们吗?写信给他们?为他们送上东西?和他们说说话?
在帮助他们的同时,你会发现他们身上具备你所需要的答案,即使不是现在,那么会在未来。呈现的方式不见得是直接的,他们会反映出你的部分内在心灵。因此,借由帮助他们,等于帮助了自己。
……
Introduction

本书集结了许多疗愈的原则,主要是根据我亲身验证过的体会,以及从1971年起担任治疗师的经验,过去我还曾担任过11年的婚姻咨询师。
有些原则看似过度简化,但其实体现了简单的原则。我知道这些原则能够实际发挥效用。它们是知见心理学(PsychologyofVision)的核心,这是根据我的博士论文所发展出来的理论体系。我曾见证了无数如奇迹般转化的案例在治疗过程中发生。于是我坚持在生活中“活出”这些原则,特别是在生活中出现问题的时候。
你会发现其中许多原则超越了一般的智慧——本来就应如此。我在许多震撼人心、惊讶至极的情境下学习到这些原则。它们代表了我对下意识心灵的部分探索研究,虽然心灵之浩瀚远超过本书所能涵盖的范畴,这仍不失为一个好的开始。
本书归于灵性领域可以说是实至名归。我发现灵性是人类心灵和经验的关键本质,无论本身采用什么称呼。
无论你相不相信这本书,或喜不喜欢这本书,如果你付诸实践,它都会对你有帮助。
最后,本书注定要成为一份礼物——它是一本导览手册,让你站在能够疗愈痛苦的角度看待世界。我一生当中曾目睹极大的情绪痛苦,现在,我明白了,大部分(甚至全部)的痛苦都是完完全全不必要的。这是我要送你的礼物——诚心诚意地渴望你拥有生命中值得拥有的爱和快乐。
从许多方面来说,本书都是我所有的老师、治疗师和朋友给予我的启发和礼物,他们的智慧和真诚帮助我一路学习并抛弃成见。这本书是我对他们真心诚意的感谢。

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About the brand

Jingdong book