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Jingdong book

武志红心智成长系列:每一种孤独都有陪伴

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◎人气的资深心理学家、百万册心理学畅销书作家武志红经典作品。

◎爱是我们最深层的渴望,但为何越爱越孤独?对这个永恒的人的困境,作者深具洞察力,洞悉孤独感背后的深层心理机制,帮助我们对自我、对情感模式有更多的觉察,打破自恋的幻觉,看到关系的真相。如果你也有“爱是什么?为何越想抓越抓不住?”类似的困惑,那这本书就适合你。

◎作者的写作方式非常引人入胜,通过故事、案例来阐述自己的观点,分析的过程层层深入,透彻精彩,大众读者都能够理解接受。那些故事也成了我们每个人的镜子,和主人公一起感受,看书的过程就像是接受心理辅导课。

◎作者的风格是理性平静的治愈系,见解独到深刻,他是用心体会、理解和践行过,才写出了这样温暖睿智的文字。有读者评价“武老师对心灵这个东西有直觉,对他人的痛苦有着敏感的同理心,对怎样走出困境有中肯的见解”。

◎真爱和自由是让我们走出孤独的道路。如果我们能做到这些,就会真正尊重自己的生命,尊重自己和别人的选择范围,懂得感激已拥有的一切,从而可以更深沉、更踏实地活在当下。

海报:


Content Description

《每一种孤独都有陪伴》内容简介:

家是港湾,可为何家会伤人?

爱意味着融合,可为何越爱越孤独?

我们每个人都渴望走出孤独,都渴望与别人相爱。如果一个人越重要,我们就越会用自己所懂得的的方式去对待他。

但很多时候,这种渴望背后的潜台词是:因为我爱你,我做的一切都是为你好,所以你要听我的,要按我的期待去回应,去做事。而所谓的“好的方式”则常常是把自己的意志强加给别人。

在这种逻辑下,相爱便成了强加,成为控制彼此的战争。因为这个缘故,我们都渴望爱,都爱过,然而,要命的孤独感却纠缠着这个世界上的绝大多数人,亲密关系成为咫尺天涯。

极具人气的资深心理学家武志红洞悉孤独感背后的深层心理机制,用细致入微的笔触,揭示了如何打破横亘在人与人之间那堵自恋的墙,真正看到别人的存在,结束权力与控制的隐秘游戏,让真爱和自由重新回到家人、爱人之间。

Author Description

武志红,资深心理咨询师、心理学畅销书作家。

1992年考入北京大学心理学系,师从国内著名的心理治疗学家钱铭怡教授,2001年获得心理学系临床心理学专业硕士学位。2009年成立武志红心理咨询中心。

曾主持《广州日报》的“健康心理”专栏,致力于用心理学去深度剖析理解式的个人、家庭与社会的种种典型现象,读者遍布世界各地华人区。

著有《为何家会伤人》《为何越爱越孤独》等系列作品,总超百万册。

Comments

★有很多人的情感经历一直不顺利,不断地恋爱、分手,结婚、离婚,给自己和别人都带来了巨大的痛苦。有些人和孩子的关系一直不和谐,整天处于对立、逃避或争吵的恶性循环里无法自拔。是啊,这些人为何越爱越孤独呢?读了这本书,给了我很大的启发,原来都是自恋惹的祸。我们自认为很爱对方,实际上是爱上了自己强加在对方身上的投射,根本没有看到对方的真实存在,所以一直纠缠在糟糕的关系中痛苦万分。这本书非常实用,会给你指明方向,拨开迷雾,让爱从此流动起来!

——紫色的百合


★我们习惯性地将爱理解为亲密无间、无所不谈,甚至是可以掌控对方的一切。如果将爱理解成“控制”,那结果必然是“越爱越孤独”。

阅读此书,能引起我们深思的不只是亲子关系,还有夫妻关系等。非常喜欢作者的写作方式,每一篇文章都以案例来阐述自己的观点,分析案例的过程层层深入、引人入胜。看着看着,我觉得自己进入了那一个个感人至深的故事里,和主人公一起感受他们的内心,直到最后,看到作者的分析结论,才仿佛如梦初醒,就像是接受了一堂心理辅导课。

——阳光三月


★武志红的书的好处在于读得懂。任何一个有点文化的人都能把那些心理机制看懂。他在文章中所讲的那些道理、所做的那些分析,作为读者读下来之后,会觉得真的讲得非常清楚,也很透彻。从这种清楚和透彻中,我们可以感受到作者的那份真诚,他一定是用心去体会和理解过,甚至是践行过才能写得出这些文字的。他写这些文字的时候肯定是真诚并认真地面对了自己。

——Shirley

Catalogue

Part 1

拆掉自恋的高墙

我们心中都有一堵超级自恋的墙 003

远离你自我实现的陷阱 012

我们都是受虐狂吗? 022

我们为什么爱评价? 036

尊重你的选择,走出自恋幻觉 048


Part 2

为何我们越爱越孤独

支配与服从:病态关系的双重奏(上) 063

支配与服从:病态关系的双重奏(下) 075

最远的距离是咫尺天涯 087

过火的自信=自卑? 093

优秀的女性为什么怕成功 104


Part 3

教孩子知识,不如给孩子爱

低挫折商是怎么被炼成的 117

她好乖,但好可怜 126

他们为什么好吃 132

非黑即白:3个月婴儿的游戏 141

人善被人欺!为什么? 153


Part 4

故事是追寻现实的载体

爱的炮灰—《追风筝的人》读后感 165

天才为什么自甘堕落 175

永远保持一颗柔软的心 188

多少感情因逃离孤寂而生?—《逃离》读后感 201

没有被爱照亮的生命,存在本身就是羞愧 205

感情寂灭的一代宗师 208

阿凡达:一个回不去的童话? 212

蝙蝠侠的俄狄浦斯情结 222

每个人都以为他的逻辑是正确的 225

如何在自我与现世间达成一个平衡? 237

雨果的“悲惨世界” 243

Book Abstract

尊重你的选择,走出自恋幻觉

我们常说,“我做这一切是为了你”,这句话的另一面是“你得为我的人生负责”。

一天下午,我在自家厨房里洗碗,和往常一样,我洗得有些马虎,一个碟子洗了三遍才算干净。

拿着一个碗的时候,我发现自己隐隐有些不开心。我想,这该是我马虎的原因吧。我试着觉察下,这个不开心是什么。

洗碗的动作慢了下来,而在水流冲过手的某一瞬间,我发现,我心中在暗自抱怨:凭什么是我?

这种抱怨源自儿时,因妈妈体弱多病,我很小的时候就开始帮妈妈做一些力所能及的家务,妈妈从未主动要我做什么,都是我自己主动去做。但是,这种主动只是事情的一方面,另一方面,我这样做也是想换取妈妈或家人的赞赏,同时隐隐还有些埋怨,而这埋怨我从来没有在家中表达过,但它一直存在。

因为渴望换取赞赏,也因为不情愿,我并不能真正地投入到做家务的事情中去,所以,尽管我在原来的家中和现在的家中都会主动去做家务,但都是比较马虎且效率比较低的。

也可以说,我在做家务时,是处于一种幻觉中。看起来,是我一个人在洗碗,但其实,我是在为一个幻觉中的妈妈和其他亲人洗碗,也对着这个幻觉中的妈妈和其他亲人埋怨。

明白了这一点后,我的不情愿消失了,我全然投入到洗碗的事情中。而在那一刻,我的心中突然一片空明。我发现,原来只是清水流过手的皮肤的感觉都可以那么美,甚至手指轻抹过饭渣时的感觉都带着一种安宁和喜悦,而以前当手轻抹饭渣时总是有些抵触。

这一刻过去后,我想,这就是活在当下的感觉吧。头脑中的幻觉一旦放下,我就可以和当下的事物建立一个单纯的关系,并能全然投入到这个关系中,这时就能体会到当下任一关系中的喜悦和安宁。

……

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