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Jingdong book

笑脸·哭脸:卓有成效的儿童行为训练

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包含强而有力的心理学原理
解读孩子行为背后的心理活动
提供即时见效的可行性方法
引导孩子自我矫正,大幅提升行动力
行为训练是孩子走向成功的法宝
好行为不是天生的。孩子能否自律,关键在于父母的教导。
《笑脸·哭脸:卓有成效的儿童行为训练》独有的行为训练系统,通过蕴含心理学原理的趣味训练法,重塑孩子的行为及性格,让孩子一生受益。
Content Description

不知你有没有注意到这样一个现象,现在的成年人宁可多养宠物,也不愿意多生孩子?我想这是不是因为宠物不会跟你顶嘴,它们看到你总是很开心,从不会觉得你真丢脸,也不会打断你的谈话,不会带同伴回家,不会把屋子搞得乱七八糟,它们还会把自己洗得干干净净。如果它们争吵打闹,一桶冷水泼过去就足以让它们消停下来。当然,或许还有其他的原因:可能只是因为对付围着你摇尾绕圈的宠物比对付天天和你饶舌的小孩要简单得多!
再者,我们的生活方式与上述现象的出现是否也有一定关联呢?我们这个社会正在被一条条纵横交错的高速公路分割开来,让我们远离家人,得不到亲友的支持。同时,我们对物质、工作、金钱、住房的追求却和孩子们主要的需求越来越格格不入,他们需要的是快乐、想象、自由以及和家人待在一起的时间。
现代人的生活日益偏离了健康家庭的模式。许多年轻女性选择不生育孩子,更多的人有了孩子以后拒绝履行抚养之责。那些肩负养育重任的父母护子心切,他们宁愿把自己的孩子关在“安全”的屋子里。也不愿意他们到“危机四伏”的户外活动,孩子们户外游戏的时问被电脑游戏取而代之。调查显示,每5个孩子中就有1个孩子每周户外娱乐活动少于5小时。
Catalogue

前言
第一章 卓有成效的训练
笑脸/哭脸--行为训练系统
关于行为训练系统的Q&A
如何保持头脑清醒
第二章 各类家庭的抚育指导
再婚家庭
单亲家庭
双胞胎家庭
祖父母
第三章 婴幼儿和学龄前儿童
攻击性
咬人

寻求关注
不听话
害怕和焦虑
多动
嫉妒
手淫和性教育
吃饭问题
睡眠问题
排泄问题
说脏话
坏脾气
抱怨
第四章 学龄儿童
挑衅行为
多动症(注意力缺陷多动障碍)
欺负他人和被人欺负
做白日梦
自卫行为
懒惰
不听话(针对父母自勺“聋哑症”)
孤独
惊慌失措
亲人离世的悲痛
逃学
同胞争斗
担忧
第五章 中学生
酗酒和吸毒
愤怒
回嘴
沟通问题
欺骗
抑郁症
自杀
不尊重
悲伤
不负责任
缺乏心理承受能力
来自同龄人的压力
离家出走
Book Abstract

袒父母 我看到过这样一组数据,100年前,只有40%的人活到65岁;现在,70% 男性能活过65岁,而女性有80%。事实上,我认为现在的老年人比小孩子多 ,因而对家庭来说,老人们会起到非常重要的作用,但是他们的作用并不总 是如孩子所期望的那样能得到很好的发挥。我们先来关注一下祖母或外祖母,因为我们总是把“外婆”、 “奶奶 ”等称呼和祖辈对下一代的真挚关爱联系在一起。从小孩子的眼光看,奶奶 、外婆具有极为特殊的地位。对一些孩子来说,他们习惯于奶奶走路和咕哝 的样子,喜欢她们烧的饭,喜欢她们的糖罐,习惯她们的宠爱,喜欢她们送 的礼物,很多孩子甚至就是喜欢她们说话的方式、喜欢她们倾听的样子。下 面是从一些小孩子写的关于奶奶的来信中摘录出来的片段: “奶奶和外婆虽然已经满脸皱纹了,但是我还是非常喜欢她们。她们非 常爱护我,我同样也尊敬爱戴她们,这点非常重要。你可以和她们说说心里 话,这点也很重要。” “我已经有好几年没有见到奶奶了。我最后一次见她的时候还是个小孩 子。我问她愿不愿意来看看我,但她从没来看过我。但我仍然觉得她用她自 己的方式爱着我。” “我觉得奶奶、外婆是非常重要的人,因为如果没有她们也就不可能有 我们了。” “我母亲的母亲活着,母亲的母亲的母亲也活着,我父亲的母亲也活着 。我爱我所有的奶奶、外婆、太婆婆。” 对于孩子来说,爷爷、外公也是非常重要的,但是很多人没有认识到这 点。尽管大多数“守旧的”老派爷爷们更喜欢把照料孙辈的事情交给家里的 “女人们”,但事实上他们总是以直接或间接的方式为孩子的成长做出巨大 的贡献。很多孩子因为父母离异、分居或长时间在外工作很少时间和父亲待 在一起,爷爷、外公不仅能够扮演这一角色,还能像成熟男性伙伴那样陪伴 他们的孙子孙女们,尤其是男孩更需要这样的榜样。爷爷、外公经常有孩子 父亲所没有的经验、能力和时间。男性特有的声音及作风会自然而然地产生 威严,他们可以在“温柔-坚定”这两种爱的方式中找到平衡,帮助我们训 练孩子养成好的行为习惯。孩子们认为他们喜爱爷爷、外公的原因是因为他们能花时间陪孩子玩,能讲古老的故事,有吸引孩子的工棚,能带孩子们去钓鱼,他们有技能,有 幽默感,教育孩子也富于耐心,更重要的是他们不会慌乱无措不会大惊小怪 。我必须要说的是我从来没碰到过一个和爸爸或爷爷外公相处融洽的孩子出 现在法庭上接受审判。对小孩子来说,爷爷奶奶们是他们一伙的。奇怪的是,这些对我们说话 拐弯抹角、吝啬抠门,还对我们婚姻一百个不满意的父母亲们,却变成了孩 子们心目中在这个世界上对他们最慷慨大方、最可亲可爱的人。要做一个好的祖父母易如反掌。重点不在于他们做了什么,在于他们的 身份及怎么看待事情。事实上,有人甚至不无讽刺地说祖父母的作用简单之 极,任何一个小孩都可以控制他们。然而,祖父母中有一些很传统的类型,让人感觉他们不但没做好,还让 人生厌: 极端型——这种类型的祖父母希望通过尽心尽力照顾第三代来补偿对自 己的孩子没有做好的事情,有时候对第三代好得有点过分。这种想法从他们 的角度来看是可以理解的,但对于他们的孩子——第三代的父母来说却不一 定能够理解。贪婪型——这类老人极度渴望得到孩子的喜爱,不惜用溺爱来换取。鲁莽型——这类老人在处理自己孙辈的事情上,常常连什么问题都没搞 清楚就急不可耐地做出判断。兴奋型——这类的祖父母们好像觉得自己肩负着将小孩从他们自己父母 手中“拯救”出来的使命!让人欣慰的是这些传统类型的爷爷奶奶们看来还不具备典型性,大多数 的爷爷奶奶们得到了小辈的,尤其是孙辈的肯定。如果你是爷爷或奶奶,看 一下下面这些忠告,它们会告诉你如何得到你的孩子以及孙子孙女们的喜爱 。◆给孩子们多点帮助,不要去逞英雄。小孩的父母需要你的支持,不希 望你摆出父母的架子在教育小孩的问题上对他们加以干涉。◆不要溺爱孩子。他们自然而然地会喜欢上你耐心与平和的态度,你根 本不需要去刻意讨好他们以博得他们对你的爱。◆提建议要注意分寸。即使是最好的忠告,都有可能让已经疲惫不堪的 母亲感到无法接受。◆不要老盯着你那些已经步人中年的孩子们,指望他们还继续成长。◆如果你承担了照顾小孩的主要责任,请用“笑脸/哭脸”行为训练系 统来教育孩子。我的建议是当代的祖父母能尽到的最大责任,就是做好父母的后援支持 ,当需要的时候就参与进来提供帮助,不要轻易去干涉父母教育他们的孩子 。现在大多数的祖父母们也是这么想的,他们需要得到爱戴和尊重,他们也 会给孩子们关爱,但他们不想感觉自己是被迫承担每日照料小孩的重担。祖 父母所要扮演的角色被过度夸大,而过多的管教小孩会减少他们和孙子孙女 之间天然存在的吸引力。其实,孩子即使稍微有点放肆也没有太大的关系,小孩的适应性很强,如果父母坚持要他们遵守家庭规矩,他们会马上调整过 来。我建议爷爷奶奶们多读几本好书,这些书会提出一些你很想了解的实用 性建议,包括家庭训练、财务管理、如何给小孩买东西,带孩子们外出干什 么,给孩子们烧他们爱吃的东西,陪小孩一起做游戏,如何和小孩沟通,带 他们一起出去旅游等等。在这里我还想给爷爷奶奶们再多提一个醒:不要过多挑剔小孩的父母亲 们,保持一定的距离是一件好事。另外,爸爸妈妈的缺点难免总会遗传一些 给小孩的!P44-47

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