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Jingdong book

女儿将来嫁给谁:女儿的婚恋观要从娃娃抓起

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作者的女儿北大毕业后,考取美国常春藤大学读PHD(全额奖学金的硕博连读)。由于养育女儿20多年来,尤其女儿早就到了恋爱的年龄,感触良多,这之前作者多年在她婚姻观念上的铺垫,早已慢慢渗透进她的小脑袋里,看到她在异国他乡沉着应对着学业和生活,再看到不少女孩深陷情海,甚至为此坠胎、自杀不能自拔,说实话,可能因为爱屋及乌吧,作者除了心痛,多少对那些孩子的妈妈是有怨的,女孩刚生下来时都是天使,如何在她们进入尘世后不久,就以她们愿意接受的方式,灌输自保、自爱、自立、自醒悟等观念?由于作者有一个20几岁的女儿,少说也有20几年的经验吧,《女儿将来嫁给谁:女儿的婚恋观要从娃娃抓起》将介绍如何从衣食住行等生活中的点滴事情里,去不留痕迹地给自己宝贝女儿施加那些想法,简单易行,毫无难点,一层玻璃纸,点破而已……有时感觉爱情简直是个宗教,这个教的观念要从娃娃抓起啊。爱女儿就该知道这些办法,也许您已经知道很多了,但至少咱们交流一下看法,总是对孩子有益无害吧,无知年幼的孩子指望您了。
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第一章 父母对女儿潜移默化的观念
不看你的眼,不看你的眉
女儿,没人可以打你
家庭氛围决定女儿的性格和命运
不提男女平等,女儿会有纯天然自信
女儿的性教育越早越好
处女膜为谁而膜
“丧忠”为谁而鸣
不爱那么多,只爱一点点
爱是对对方的高估
那些年她们一起追过的校草
什么是贤惠,别误导r女儿
伤筋动骨也就100天,别给忽悠大了
少跟孩子提钱,提钱伤“无辜”

第二章 关于女儿婚姻问题的思考
婚姻法新解释、房子及丈母娘那些事
把丈夫的“夫”字倒过来看是什么
女儿,别等电话、短信和QQ
坐在高高的谷堆旁,听妈妈讲“备胎”的故事
压抑式教育将养出毫无个性的女孩——“备胎”的最好材料
婚前绝不同居’
闪婚是傻瓜加二百五的行为’
中国式逼婚猛于虎
“齐天大剩”要从娃娃防起

第三章 女孩怎么个“富养”法
富养法一:女儿的智商规划越早越好
富养法二:越早离开“温柔乡”越好
富养法三:琢磨女孩的性格特点
富养法四:女儿可以“顶嘴”
富养法五:给女儿充足的玩耍时间
富养法六:不当女儿的“奴隶”
富养法七:赋予女儿选择才艺的权利
Book Abstract

我说的绝境是家里没饭吃、大人孩子衣不蔽体,没到这个份上,未来 就一切都有可能,这要靠大人冷静地去想办法,着急没用,而且是越着急 越想不出办法,还越想打骂孩子出气,把家里搞得恶性循环,形成很坏的 环境,那将是得不偿失的。白天的不顺背着孩子自己去想办法,遇到孩子 哪个举动言行你看着不顺眼,去拿个专用小本子把孩子的问题记下来,不 要当时就说,当时说就会带出源于工作上不顺带来的怨气,就不能心平气 和地跟孩子讲,一定要让自己消消火再说。另外,有很多你认为是孩子不 对的问题,其实未必是问题,记下来后,再看看,也许就不是问题了。这 样也让孩子少一顿没头没脑的训斥,也让你的每次的“教训”孩子“保质 保量”,“记小本”也能避免滔滔不绝如江水地罗嗦。你看,按照这样的 安排,咱们不就能做到周一到周五整个白天不打骂孩子了吗?(3)周一到周五的晚上怎样教育孩子?做为活在充满压力的环境中的大人,每当傍晚来临,你就这样想:今 天事情还是不顺,但不管怎样,现在是傍晚了,能帮你实现愿望的所有人、给你压力的所有人,他们都休息了,他们都不再考虑工作上的事,我再 纠缠苦恼于那些压力、苦恼于自己不能实现的那些事就毫无意义了,一切 苦恼就让它们随着夜晚的来临先休息一下,明天白天再重新苦恼也来得及!况且,香港一个著名的风水师讲过,良好的休息和睡眠是改变风水的极 佳方式,你就想,没准睡一觉风水就转了呢。这样你就能放下心中的压抑、不满、失望、平和地回到家里,好好与家人、孩子相处一晚、睡一晚。这时可以拿出小本子,看看白天记录下的对孩子不满的内容,在这种平和 的心态下看那些笔记,自己就会权衡有没有必要跟孩子谈,可不可以拖到 周末再谈?如果谈,怎么谈才会让孩子接受、还不会影响到他们的睡眠及 第二天的上课。您看,这样安排下来,咱们就能做到周一到周五白天加晚 上都不骂孩子了(更不要说打孩子了),多好。(4)周末要不要打骂孩子?你这样告诉自己:周末了,所有人都休息了,那些能帮我的人也休息 了,他们都将一切事停止运转了,我为什么不放下那些麻烦事和期盼?一 切事都等周一再说吧!好了,这样一想,你内心中放下了很多重担,就能 够以最慈祥的心态和表情去面对孩子,同时也可以把小本子拿出来看看存 了一周的孩子的“犯罪记录”是不是可以“无罪开释”?有哪些是比较严 重的问题,需要在周末这两天安排一个不影响孩子进食、睡眠、学习的时 间去跟孩子好好谈谈,但自己还要规划一下怎么谈能够条理分明、言简意 赅,不让孩子觉得罗嗦。因为孩子还小,他们的注意力的集中时间很短,如果不能在很短的时间内把孩子说得心服口服,多乖的孩子也就给你个耳 朵,不乖的孩子就会表现出不耐烦了,到那时大人又该生气了,所以,要 尽量避免。(5)用“探照灯法”去思考、去除烦恼善待孩子。我自创的所谓“探照灯法”排忧,就是每当遇到艰难,要想不整天心 情烦躁焦虑地与孩子相处,就让自己的大脑变成一个小探照灯,不要让自 己的大脑像街灯似的固定照射在一个地方,也就是说不要一门心思总是想 着那件艰难的事情,让自己的思维驰骋起来、挪动起来、扫射起来,看看 有没有其他目标可以让你去实现,实现了那个,必定能解救你目前的这份 艰难。这样想,这样思维,你就不会一天到晚陷入焦虑,也就不会拿孩子 撒气了。要知道,我的探照灯法不是安慰你的骗人把戏,人世是不断变化 的,你的探照灯总照一个地方,而那个地方什么都没有,就没有希望,你 不是越照越窝火吗?如果你摇动起大脑中的探照灯,不断地寻找不同的地 方。那么,寻找到希望的可能性就不知大多少倍,一个希望暂时没实现,给自己设立另外几个希望,并不断搜寻,在有希望的前提下,人总是能够 让自己平静下来的。况且,希望又不是谁拿来哄骗你的,只要你肯去找,去琢磨,地球天天飞速旋转,我就不信地球上的事务会一成不变,只要变,机会就会有。至于这“探照灯法”如何实地操作,您可以按照个人性格 的长处去探索,比如自己是个很外向的人,就可以多联系朋友,运用大家 一起奋斗、一起受益的规矩去拉朋友跟你一起干或给你帮忙;如果你是个 很能在网上联系的人,就可以放手在网上广撒“渔网”,多开拓关系,多 增长业务知识,好好规划你的项目计划,这样努力一阵子看看,说不定哪 块云彩底下就有了雨。您开心了,孩子自然也高兴。(6)要经常跟孩子一起开怀大笑。虽然激烈的竞争使生活充满了压力,但是大笑却是驱除压力最天然、最有效的办法。多年前就有科学家发现,人的身体每天都生成3000多个癌 细胞,同时还会生成50亿个能及时消灭癌细胞的“杀伤者细胞”。如果能 经常大笑的话,你知道那会得到什么好处吗——刚刚大笑的身体内的杀伤 者细胞会明显增加,这可真是“笑”益显著啊。至于让自己笑的方法,有 很多,去找些喜剧片看,或找相声听,还有网络上有大量的搞笑视频,很 多都是真实的家庭搞笑镜头。那样的视频时间很短,还不怕耽误时间,每 天上网看几段挺能排解忧愁的,或者网络笑话也有很多,这些都是随手捻 来,免费的。还有一些网站的论坛,那里面有很多议论日常搞笑事件的帖 子,不少网友文字之搞笑、之生动,简直是大作家都望尘奠及的。上述几点建议,是我尝试过,并起到效果的。这样算下来,周一到周 日,再加上“探照灯法”,我们如果能够按照上述方式去尝试,就能做到 尽量少地把压力发泄到孩子身上,与孩子平静温馨地相处了。P22-P24

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