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十几岁孩子的正面管教

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十几岁孩子的正面管教

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家庭教育畅销书《正面管教》作者力作。养育十几岁孩子的“黄金准则”。
度过十几岁的阶段,对你和自己青春期的孩子来说,可能会像经过一个“战区”。青春期是成长中的一个重要过程。在这个阶段,十几岁的孩子会努力探究自己是谁,并要独立于父母。
你的责任,是让自己十几岁的孩子为人生做好准备。
问题是,大多数父母在这个阶段对孩子采用的养育方法,使得情况不是更好,而是更糟了……
十几岁孩子的正面管教》将帮助你在一种肯定你自己的价值、肯定孩子价值的相互尊重的环境中,教育、支持你的十几岁的孩子,并接受这个过程中的挑战,帮助你的十几岁的孩子大限度地成为具有高度适应能力的成年人。

Content Description

十几岁孩子的正面管教》共14章,详细介绍了青春期孩子的特点、养育十几岁的孩子的准则(确保把爱的信息传递给孩子)、三种常见养育风格的弊端,以及正面管教方式的好处和教给十几岁的孩子人生技能的具体方法(将错误当成学习的大好机会、怎样激励十几岁的孩子、沟通技巧、家庭会议、特别时光、赋予孩子力量、培养能力和“我能”的心态、如何应对网络的挑战、十几岁孩子的心理学、如何对待可怕行为等)。
《十几岁孩子的正面管教》将帮助父母们在一种肯定自己的价值、肯定孩子价值的相互尊重的环境中,教育、支持自己的十几岁孩子,并接受这个过程中的挑战,帮助十几岁的孩子大限度地成为具有高度适应能力的成年人。

Author Description

简·尼尔森(Jane Neisen),教育学博士,杰出的心理学家、教育家,加利福尼亚婚姻和家庭执业心理治疗师,美国“正面管教协会”创始人。她是7个孩子的母亲,22个孩子的奶奶或外祖母,还是2个孩子的曾祖母。曾经担任过10年的有关儿童发展的小学、大学心理咨询教师。她是18本著作的作者或合著者(被翻译成16种语言,在美国销量超过400万册,在美国之外的国家销量超过200万册),是众多著名育儿及养育杂志的顾问。她于2013年5月中旬至6月初展开“正面管教中国行”,在北京、上海、深圳三地的公开演讲受到了中国父母们的热烈欢迎。

琳·洛特(Lynn Lott),心理学硕士,美国知名的演讲家、婚姻和家庭执业心理治疗师,18本书和手册的作者,包括四本《正面管教》系列图书。她是2个孩子的母亲,2个孩子的继母,3个孩子的奶奶或外祖母。
Catalogue

致中国读者
引言
第1章 怎样知道你的孩子进入了青春期
当孩子不再认为你能上天摘星星时
无论青春期的孩子是否喜欢,他们的身体和性发育都在成熟的过程中,经历着他们根本无法控制的生物学过程,突然而强烈的荷尔蒙变化,会造成情绪的突然波动……十几岁的孩子想要探索他们和自己的家人有多么不同,他们对各种事物有怎样的感受,是怎样思考的,以及自己有什么价值……


梦想中的十几岁孩子和正常的十几岁孩子
你的感受会让你知道孩子何时进入了青春期
养育十几岁孩子的压力
十几岁孩子的现在并不意味着永远
青春期的孩子需要搞清楚自己是谁
个性化往往看起来像叛逆
青春期的孩子经历着巨大的身体和情感变化
与同龄人的关系优先于家庭关系
十几岁的孩子要探索并运用自己的力量和自主
十几岁的孩子极其需要隐私
父母成了让十几岁孩子尴尬的人
十几岁孩子认为自己是全能的、无所不知的
不要煽起叛逆之火

第2章 你站在谁的一边
确保把爱的信息传递给孩子
作为父母,你当然是站在孩子一边的,但孩子往往不认为你站在他们一边……以“为了孩子的最大利益”的名义,很多父母都忘记了站在孩子一边意味着什么,忘记了怎样才能真正帮助十几岁的孩子培养成功人生所需的品质和人生技能……


积习难改
站在孩子的角度看问题并共情
倾听并保持好奇心
别再担心别人怎么想——要做对你的孩子最有利的事
用鼓励代替羞辱
确保把爱的信息传递给孩子
让你的孩子一起专注于解决问题
与孩子达成相互尊重的约定
改变需要练习
……
第3章 你的养育风格是什么 砖、地毯、幽灵,还是正面管教
第4章 如何让错误成为学习的大好机会 对错误感到兴奋
第5章 怎样激励十几岁的孩子 是的,这是可能的!
第6章 你的孩子听你吗 沟通技巧
第7章 家庭会议对十几岁的孩子管用吗 一个能教给孩子很多东西的养育工具
第8章 怎样与十几岁的孩子共度“特别时光” 特别时光的魔力
第9章 你是包办,还是在赋予孩子力量 让十几岁的孩子为人生做好准备
第10章 你在教给孩子人生技能吗 培养能力和“我能”的心态
第11章 你的孩子与网络有多亲密 网络和其他电子产品的挑战
第12章 他们为什么那样做 十几岁孩子的心理学
第13章 你该如何对待可怕行为 对你自己和你的十几岁孩子要有信心
第14章 你自己十几岁时没能解决的问题在妨碍你吗 再养育你自己

Book Abstract

这可能是孩子得到良好养育的一个标志。尽管你的十几岁孩子在你面前感觉能安全地“测试”自己的力量,但在外面的公开场合,他们会按照从你这里学到的去做。
十几岁的孩子有一种强烈的欲望,要搞清楚自己能做什么——他们需要试探自己的力量和在这个世界上的重要性。这意味着,他们想要确定,在没有别人的指导和命令的情况下,自己能够为自己做什么。父母们通常会认为这是对自己权力的一种挑战,因而造成了权力之争。关键在于,要学会以能够教给十几岁孩子重要人生技能的尊重的方式支持其探索。十几岁的孩子在家里感觉越安全,他们在个性化过程中的痛苦就越少。十几岁的孩子极其需要隐私
你可能会奇怪,你的十几岁孩子能把自己的每一个想法和感受通过Facebook或其他社交网站告诉全世界,却要对你保有隐私。这是因为十几岁的孩子并不一定有理智吗?或许,你只需要停止问问题,并成为他在Facebook上的一位好友。
因为十几岁孩子的发育速度很快,并且不受他们的控制,他们被家人盯着会感到非常尴尬。因为十几岁的孩子在努力搞清楚什么对自己是重要的,他们经常在确定自己根本不想参与某些事情之前,未经父母同意而参与一些活动。为了避免惹麻烦或让你失望,十几岁的孩子会想出办法来尝试一些你可能不允许的活动,而不告诉你,比如把衣服和化妆品藏在包里,到学校后再换;偷偷地吸烟;看你告诉他们不能看的成人电影;在日记里写下自己最隐秘的想法;或者跟他们认为你不赞同的同伴出去玩耍。十几岁的孩子保护自己隐私的另一种方法,是公然说谎。
十几岁的孩子经常撒谎,因为他们爱你,想保护你。他们想做自己能做的事情,而不伤害到你的感情。还有些时候,他们撒谎是为了保护自己——免于听到你的难听看法以及可能做出的恶劣行为。下面是十几岁孩子对撒谎原因的一些说法:
“我为了能去舞会撒谎,是因为如果没有其他父母在场,我妈妈甚至连商量的机会都不给我。”
“我对妈妈很诚实,因为她对待我的方式就像对待比我年龄大的孩子,并且她还教给我喝酒时怎样做一个对自己负责任的人。”
“我大一、大二的时候撒过谎。从那以后,我决定不再向父母撒谎。我告诉了他们,因为我不想撒谎;我现在什么事情都会告诉他们。我一直对妈妈很尊重。”
“我不会跟父母讲他们不想听到的事情。他们只想听到好消息,所以我就编造一些事情,比如:‘派对上有个女孩真傻,居然喝醉了(这个女孩其实就是我)。”’
“如果告诉妈妈真实情况,我会感到是在贬低自己,因为她成长的环境,她理解不了。”
“是否说真话,取决于你的父母:有些可以说,另外一些则会让我们被禁足。”
当你理解了自己十几岁孩子撒谎的动机时,你就能够更有效地创造一个让孩子感到安全的氛围,从而向你说真话——在大部分时间。如果知道说真话会受到责备、羞辱或者伤害,有多少人愿意说真话呢?如果知道说真话意味着不能做自己想做的事情,又有多少人愿意说真话呢?
……

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