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Jingdong book

花园里的荆棘

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Jingdong book

花园里的荆棘

Name: 花园里的荆棘
Brand: Jingdong book
SKU: 3116052581
Price: 25.67 USD
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一位女性存在主义心理咨询师的治愈观

《花园里的荆棘》是一本涉及心理故事和心理治愈的书。书中的一些故事发生在咨询室里，另一些则发生在咨询室之外，但无论发生在哪里，均指向我们的心灵与现实生活的关系。

当生命被抛向生活时，人与现实生活的关系就显得弥足重要，而心理问题的产生无不与生活中的关系息息相关。关系虽然带来问题，但每一个人都必须在关系产生的问题中成长。

Content Description

■唯有洞察心理的重重迷障，

才能成为真正的自己。

■书中那一个个感人至深的心理咨询故事，

仿佛就发生在我们每个人的身边，

又仿佛就发生在我们自己身上。

当你怀着纠结、焦虑和不安的心情，迈入这个暗藏荆棘的人间花园时，你可能有过彷徨、困惑，甚至想要痛苦而又犹豫万分地离开。但是，当你读完这本开启心灵之门的书后，我相信，每一个读者都会被书中那娓娓道来的案例故事所吸引。

Author Description

一岩，存在分析取向心理咨询师，儿童沙盘游戏艺术治疗师，《华商报》“诊心室”栏目主持、心理学专栏作家，华商网情感频道婚姻与家庭咨询专家，西安人本心理研究所所长。12年专业的心理学受训背景，个案咨询时数超过数千个小时，致力于以“存在—人本主义”心理治疗方法探究当代人的心理问题并寻求解决之道，已出版作品《在爱与不爱之间：国际心理学大师访谈录》。

Catalogue

推荐序推开心灵之门
自序无法替代的体验
第一部分亲密关系中隐藏的杀手
第1章不敢看创伤的人 / 2
第2章畏惧婚姻的女孩 / 7
第3章看着女友痛苦，才有快感 / 12
第4章牺牲掉自我是爱情吗 / 18
第5章为什么无法说出分手 / 24
第6章健康的依赖，你会多少 / 30
第7章爱会透过身体讲话 / 35
第8章一辈子担心别人丢东西 / 41
第9章看清暴力情绪的真相 / 47
第二部分用正确的方式去爱孩子
第10章再多的爱，对婴儿都是不够的 / 54
第11章不为孩子制造混乱的爱 / 59
第12章“好孩子”的谬论 / 65
第13章15岁的男孩选择让自己“生病” / 70
第14章离异家庭中的“好孩子”更值得警惕 / 76
第15章孩子理想的背后是陪伴 / 81
第16章手足血刃案中的“代罪羔羊” / 86
第17章孩子对父母哪来这么多愤怒 / 94
第18章父母必须慎用的“倾诉” / 100
第19章父母和孩子沟通的是什么 / 106
第20章孩子能说“不”，你才是好父母 / 112
第21章单亲家庭中父母对异性子女要有爱的界限 / 118
第22章隔代抚养才是“潮童杀手” / 124
第23章家庭教育讨论三篇 / 132
第三部分身边的故事
第24章我为什么感觉不到幸福 / 148
第25章大妻小丈夫，华丽的情爱冒险 / 153
第26章嫁个有幽默感的男人 / 158
第27章“扮嫩”的最高境界 / 163
第28章当爱成往事，分手是门技术活 / 167
第29章有个好爸爸，为何还要“坑” / 173
第30章催眠是唤醒 / 179
第31章人的“另一面” / 189
第32章心理投射，也会成为坚硬的杀人武器 / 196
第33章好的婚姻是逐渐“去理想化” / 203
第34章当理想被“理想化” / 209
第35章你有共情的能力吗 / 214

Introduction

无法替代的体验

这本《花园里的荆棘》和我另一本心理学作品《在爱与不爱之间—国际心理学大师访谈录》同时出版，对我个人而言有着不同寻常的意义。它们是我进入心理学领域10余年来，个人探索学习与咨询实践的完全记录，也是我作为一名存在取向的心理咨询师和一家知名媒体的心理学专栏主持，对自己所从事的助人事业献上的一份深深的敬畏。

在心理咨询室，我常常面对无助的来访者，有些人为自愿寻求改变而来，有些人迫于某种原因不得不来，无论是出于什么样的意图而来，咨询所要面临的问题基本上涉及两个方面：人如何看待自己现在的生活？人如何理解自己现在的生活？

我个人在经过精神分析、完形治疗、家庭结构治疗、存在—人本主义心理治疗、荣格分析心理学等各体系学习之后，最终确定以存在—整合的心理治疗为取向，作为我个人心理咨询的风格。这其中的缘由，与我自身对生命的体验密不可分。

10多年前，一句“成为你自己”吸引我进入心理学领域，但那时，我从未想过未来要以此作为终身职业的方式，履行我对这一命题的探寻与追问。很长一段时间，我对于心理学的学习与个人分析，完全是为了解决个人难以名状的来自生命最深层的抑郁和孤独。直到机缘巧合，在我成为一家知名媒体的心理学专栏主持和主笔后，探索的经验涌现为一种强大的动力，它促使我除了忠实地聆听自己，同时学会忠实地聆听他人。

我不得不澄清，有三本心理学著作对我影响极大，引领我最终决心成为一名心理咨询师，它们分别是罗洛·梅的《爱与意志》、欧文·亚龙的《存在心理治疗》以及人类学家厄内斯特·贝克尔所著的《反抗死亡》。从本质上讲，我就是从这些作品中一再核实着，我作为一名心理咨询师的心灵气质究竟在哪里。

一路走来，最感谢的当然还是每一位来访者，在咨询室他们以最真诚的方式告诉我关于他们的故事，允许我在心灵深处靠近他们，而这种信任也时刻滋养着我对于自己作为咨询师的信任。心理学者王学富曾在一本书里这样描述来访者对咨询师的意义，他说：“我是被一个个求助者喂养长大的咨询师，又转而去喂养一个个求助者，让他们长大。”可以说，在好的咨询关系中，咨询师就是那种可以经得起来访者自如使用的容器，有爱，有安全，有界限，直到有一天来访者自己也成为这容器本身。

这本书之所以取名为《花园里的荆棘》，是因为心灵世界原本就如花园般丰富，但这丰富不光是由我们看得见和喜欢看见的花草树木、山泽河流构成，花园中同样有荆棘，同样杂草丛生，而这才是真正意义上的花园。来访者心理的问题就如同面对花园的态度，如果我们只爱或者只喜欢内心好的、愉悦的、可以接受的部分，而难以面对内心阴郁、伤痛和令人蒙羞的部分，心灵就不可能成为完整的心灵。但是存在—整合的治疗观并不仅仅是说服一个人相信心灵必须以完整的方式存在，更在意一个人能通过他自己的体验方式，理解他作为存在本身的意义。这一心灵过程别人永远无法代劳，唯有经历这个过程，个体才能勇敢地面对生活中发生的一切，从而孕育出整合心灵的能力。

细心阅读这本书的人会深刻觉察到隐含在每一个故事中的我对于个体必须经历体验的看重。这是我作为咨询师秉承的理念，也是我对待自己和他人生命的态度，即使是分析那些新闻感很强的社会类心理事件时，我也是这样认为的，因为所有问题的核心最终都直指人的内心。

结束时，我要感谢为这本书写推荐序的广东外语外贸大学心理学教授杨韶刚老师。杨老师和南京师范大学心理学教授郭本禹翻译了大量有关存在—人本心理学治疗领域中西方心理学大师的著作，为这一心理治疗流派在中国的传播起到了不可忽视的作用。尤其是杨韶刚老师对于人本心理学的研究高度，对国内众多推崇这一流派的年轻心理学人均有着无法言说的意义。他也是我遇到的最谦逊的学者之一，在2014年6月的第三届存在—人本主义心理学大会上，我因为外语的缘故，无法顺畅地与美国人本主义心理学会两任前会长路易斯·霍夫曼和艾瑞克·克雷格沟通，杨老师一直为我做翻译，完全忽略了自己是那次会议被重点邀请发言的学者身份，令我久久感动。

最后，这本书能够顺利出版，得益于两位策划编辑李欣玮和张昕，她们在第一时间看到书稿时，便以最迅捷的速度和我沟通出版事宜，她们对于工作的敬业态度令我赞叹！在此，对她们也一并献上我最诚挚的感谢！

是为序！

一岩

2015年4月22日

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