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恋爱读心术:没有搞不定的恋爱难题

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Content Description

《恋爱读心术》是由资深专业的婚恋成长社群恋爱成长学会专家组所著,立足于女性读者,通过科学的理论和专业的技巧指导,全方位、多角度地解析恋爱中的各种问题。

如果你急于脱单而不得,如果你一见到心仪的对象就不知道说什么,如果你深陷感情的泥淖挣脱不得……那么这本书恰好就是你的良方。在这本书中,剖析了能够瞬间拉近双方距离的话术,并配有真实的实践案例;解读了怎样让对方喜欢上你,让你释放吸引力,武装自己;分析你们感情破裂的原因,教你巧施妙计就让他对你上瘾;传授鉴别渣男和“吊打”情敌的方法,让你找到自己的真命天子。


Author Description

恋爱成长学会

一个活跃的婚恋成长社群。众多优秀的情感专家、心理咨询师汇聚于此,提供两性情感咨询。旗下拥有专家合伙人/核心IP——恋爱小魔女、暖心Honey姐、霸叨总裁、玲珑姐、兆民、媚爷、思嘉丽、花泽、犀利姐、简心等,并在持续积极打造新IP。

旗下主推平台有微信公众账号“恋爱成长学会”,粉丝10W+,已经推出两本畅销书,且将陆续推出多本情感类图书。


Catalogue

PART 1:靠近他,从“话术”开始

破冰:封闭式提问,成为话题终结者

话题拓展:让情绪共振的宏微观聊天法

话题深入:程序与分层思维,勾起他的好奇心

机械性思维:打开他对你心动开关的诀窍

一万小时效应:话术与聚焦,是女人的战衣

话术思维:注重情绪价值,牵着他的鼻子走

话术1:让他有参与感,才会有的聊

话术2:反撇,用不落俗套的方式讲故事

话术3:要轻松调侃,不要陌生客套

凡勃伦效应:把无谓的谦虚扔掉!

PART 2:做个心机Girl,引他“上钩”

人格特质理论:三个维度,判断男人能否靠得住

吸引力法则:女人不够“坏”,得不到真爱

边际效应:为你的付出“明码标价”

狄德罗效应:随时让他知道,他对你很重要

波什定律:最棒的感情保鲜剂,是真诚的夸赞

费斯汀格法则:决定感情命运的矛盾管理术

承诺和一致原理:做家中的女王,“奴役”他

互惠原理:投其所好,让他宠你没商量

认知失调效应:他不懂珍惜,试试以退为进

邻近效应:战胜距离,你就是爱情大赢家

细节意识:在恋爱中占据优势地位

PART 3:成为他的海洛因,让他宠你上瘾

蔡格尼克效应:成为他的海洛因才是终极目标

吸引力法则:女人不够“坏”,得不到真爱

边际效应:为你的付出“明码标价”

狄德罗效应:随时让他知道,他对你很重要

波什定律:最棒的感情保鲜剂,是真诚的夸赞

费斯汀格法则:决定感情命运的矛盾管理术

承诺和一致原理:做家中的女王,“奴役”他

互惠原理:投其所好,让他宠你没商量

认知失调效应:他不懂珍惜,试试以退为进

邻近效应:战胜距离,你就是爱情大赢家

细节意识:在恋爱中占据优势地位

PART 4:任何感情破裂,都始于内部

杜根定律:自卑,是爱情最致命的毒

习得性乐观:生而为女王,何必做奴隶?

斯德哥尔摩综合征:你不是专一,是有病

需求层次理论:尊重,比任何揣度都有用

存在感效应:让自己变得不可替代

过度合理化效应:频繁“回报”会杀死爱情

布朗定律:想让他烦你,就去问“怎么了”

破窗理论:底线,决定你爱情的成败

心理账户效应:计算得失,是摧毁爱情的心魔

皮格马利翁效应:怀疑,只会将他越推越远

囚徒困境:终极一招,暴打小三!

PART 5:他不是你的真命天子,别再浪费青春

情绪投资:认清渣男零付出的真相

煮蛙效应:悄悄耗尽你青春的“煮蛙泡妞法”

巴纳姆效应:你以为的懂你,不过是套路

禀赋效应:面对渣男,你要明白一件事

沉没成本:嘿!分手了,就把他抛之脑后吧

墨菲定律:掌握这个定律,就能离开渣男的猎场

马太效应:跟渣男体质说拜拜

钓鱼效应:傻白甜变身万人迷,让他悔不当初


Book Abstract

话术1:让他有参与感,才会有的聊

技巧可以让你跟别人有的聊,不至于陷入无话可说或问答式聊天的尴尬。但只有技巧是不够的,你还要学会让讲话变得更加有趣。

首先,要明确一个概念,有趣绝对不等于搞笑。就像郭德纲,他再能聊,也无法让你的男朋友爱上他。

那么,有趣是什么意思?有趣,尤其是恋爱当中的有趣是指,你让你男朋友感到轻松,感到你们在同一个频道上。而两个人在同一个频道上,男人就会觉得跟你在精神上是可以交流的,这一点非常重要。

为什么很多时候男人会说“我觉得好累,需要放松一下”,或者说很长时间不愿意联系你,基本上都是因为你们交流的时候不在同一个频道上。而让说话更有趣,就是为了让男人觉得跟你交流很轻松,跟你在同一个频道上,也觉得跟你在一起非常新鲜。

我们来讲几个案例,后面一起对其进行分析。

我的一个学员,她发了一个关于早晨跑步的朋友圈,然后一个曾经追求过她的男生评论说“被你的正能量吓哭了”。这其实是男性朋友对她的一个调侃,如果是你,这个时候会怎么回答呢?我相信你一定有自己的答案,你可以思考一下,然后跟我们下面的答案进行对比。

这个学员问我她应该怎么回。于是我就让她回复说“那要不要我哄哄你啊?”这是第一个案例。

还有一个学员曾经问我,她说男朋友发了一条信息给她,内容是“你吃饭了没啊?”我当时教她回答的是“没呢,没你的问候吃得不香”。

还有一个学员,她对她的一个老同事比较感兴趣,然后有一次聊天,他们聊到去旅游这个话题,男人说了一句“生活不止眼前的苟且,还有诗和远方”。如果你听到这句话,你会怎么回复他呢?你可能会回复他说“我觉得你很有诗意”,或者说“我觉得你这句话讲得很棒”。当然,这也是一种回答,我觉得也不错。但是我给这个学员建议的回复是“那你负责带路去田野,我负责写诗”。

你可以体会一下,这三个答案的特点是什么?我觉得它们最大的特点就是三个字——参与感。

什么叫参与感呢?就是说你的答案把你和他都包括在了里面。很多时候你会疑惑,为什么他总是觉得跟我不是一路人呢?因为很多时候,你给他的回复,无论是夸他还是怎样,都是以他为中心,或者说是以你为中心的,但爱情是两个人的事情,只有把这些回复变成一种让双方都有参与感的事情,才能经营好一份感情。

比如说,当你听到对方说“生活不止眼前的苟且,还有诗和远方”的时候,你不知道该怎么回,对吧?但我却马上就会想,田野和诗,这两个东西是可以放到一起的,那为什么不能在回复时把你们两个都代入其中呢?把你们两个都代入其中,不就是“你负责带路去田野,我负责写诗”吗?当然,你也可以说“我负责带路去田野,你负责写诗”,这都可以,只要把你们两个人都代入进去就行。

答案不仅限于上面两种,只要能让双方都有参与感,就足够了。比如,你也可以说“那好,我们就一起去田野踏青,吃着火锅,写着小诗”。当然,这种回复,我可能一看到问题就能想得出来,而你可能得编排一会儿,甚至编得没有那么自然,但是只要经过练习,你也可以熟练运用。比如说,你可以把对方说的每一句话拿出来,试着给出一个让双方都有参与感的答案,日子久了,每一次男人跟你说话,你就都能给出恰当的回复了。

再看第二个案例,男人问“你吃饭了没啊”,你可以说“我吃了”,也可以说“我没吃”,这都没有关系,因为关键是要有参与感,这才是核心。他这条信息,肯定也不是专门问你吃饭了没有,而仅仅是一种情绪的交流,所以你就要用情绪跟他进行沟通,你可以说“没呢,没你的问候我吃得不香”,也可以说“吃了呀,刚刚吃完,就等着你的问候甜点呢”,对不对?所以说,不管你回答吃了还是没吃,都可以让他有参与感。

那么再回头看看第一个案例,当男人在你的朋友圈评论说“被你的正能量吓哭了”时,你回复他“那要不要我哄哄你”。你看,这个答案还是有你,也有我。

我相信,你只要掌握了参与感这三个字,男人就会觉得跟你非常有话聊,而且在这个回复里还有另一个秘密,叫作活在当下。

什么叫活在当下呢?比如在第一个案例中,那个男人说他要哭了,对不对?我们先撇开这个人的身份,不管他是你喜欢的男人,还是喜欢你的男人,哪怕他是一个普通人,他都快哭了,你觉得是不是要哄哄他,或者帮他擦擦泪啊?所以,你可以说“来!过来,我帮你擦擦眼泪,摸摸头”,是不是?

具体答案当然是可以千变万化的,但一定要遵循两个标准,第一个叫参与感,第二个叫活在当下。他说他要哭了,你就不要再扯其他的话题,很多女孩子因为不知道怎么回答男生当下的这个问题,就会扯开话题说“你最近好吗?你最近过得怎么样”,那就是没有活在当下。他说他要哭了,你却讲另外一件事情,那就形同鸡同鸭讲,你们根本不在同一频道上。所以说参与感跟活在当下,对男人是非常重要的。

我们就把这两个作为最重要的原则,如果你掌握了这两个原则,你的聊天就会是有趣的,会比普通的女人要更胜一筹。


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