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【繁體】阿德勒的父母成長課:全心接納,肯定孩子做自己

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【繁體】阿德勒的父母成長課:全心接納,肯定孩子做自己

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内容簡介

超過40個國家400萬家長推崇
做父母需要學習,也需要接受不完美!
專注於現在,看到孩子的優點,改變就此開始。


父母效能系統訓練(Systematic Training for Effective Parenting, STEP)是依據阿德勒學派觀點發展的一套親職教育實用方法,藉由探討錯誤行為背後真正的目的,正確回應孩子的需求,讓孩子在包容接納的氛圍中,學會以獨立自主、負責的表現來肯定自我。

孩子的不良行為往往是為了吸引注意、獲取權力、報復或逃避,當專制的獎懲方法已經不能改變孩子,父母需要更有效的教養技巧:

.在衝突中察覺到雙方的真實感受:瞭解情緒的意義。
.以鼓勵代替讚許:重視孩子的努力與進步,而不是要求孩子追求完美。
.反映式傾聽和「我」的訊息:互相尊重,增進親子間的溝通。
.以自然而合理的後果代替懲罰:孩子必須明白行為的後果,才不會因為害怕受罰而不願嘗試。

透過練習與實踐,《阿德勒的父母成長課》提供有效能的訓練方法,幫助父母培養孩子的自信與自尊,為孩子在成長過程中累積開創精采人生的勇氣。

目錄

專文導讀 克服困難的勇氣是孩子最重要的資產 曾端真
推薦
前言

1 孩子的行為和不良行為
為什麼做父母也需要訓練呢?/父母和孩子有社會性的平等/瞭解行為/不良行為的目的/建立積極關係的處方/復習與發想/要點提示

2 多瞭解孩子和自己
利用情緒操控/生活型態的塑造/「好」父母的壞方法/復習與發想/要點提示

3 鼓勵:建立信心和價值感
父母應該避免的態度及行為/父母表達鼓勵的態度和行為/鼓勵和稱讚的分別/鼓勵的特殊用語/復習與發想/要點提示

4 傾聽孩子的話
當孩子表達感覺時父母的角色/做一位有效的傾聽者/父母對反映式傾聽的典型評論/孩子對父母反映式傾聽可能的反應/描述情感的字眼/使用反映式傾聽應注意的事項/復習與發想/要點提示

5 溝通:探索與表達
探索多種選擇的情況/「是誰擁有這個問題」的概念/「我」的訊息/如何傳達「我」的訊息/傳達出我們對孩子的珍惜和尊重/復習與發想/要點提示/培養勇氣面對自己的不完美

6 責任感養成訓練
合理後果和懲處的不同/釐清動機與態度/後果法的基本原理/應用後果處理的步驟/應用後果處理的典型困擾/復習與發想/要點提示

7 自然而合理的後果法之日常應用
面對挑戰/復習與發想/要點提示

8 家庭會議
家庭會議守則/會議引導技巧/開始家庭會議的適當時機/家庭會議可能犯的錯誤/復習與發想/要點提示

9 培養信心和善用潛力
循序漸進/檢驗你的感受/復習與發想/要點提示

自序/導讀

專文導讀

克服困難的勇氣是孩子最重要的資產 曾端真

這幾年,阿德勒(1870-1937)的學說重新被社會大眾所喜愛,是一個很好的現象。阿德勒的理念很具激勵性,在提升人的自我效能,以及促進人群的和諧方面,貢獻不貲,對後世許多心理治療學派也有很深遠的影響。近十多年來,正向心理學蔚為風潮,阿德勒也被尊稱為正向心理學的鼻祖。

阿德勒學派的核心要旨為「社會情懷」。社會情懷是指在認知上對人的相信,在態度上對人的關懷,在行為上能與人正向連結。社會情懷是促進個體為社群貢獻己力、與人合作以及有勇氣承接挫折的要素,是心理健康的指標。基於對人群的關懷,阿德勒學派對推展家庭教育與學校教育不遺餘力,而且以培養與訓練孩子的社會情懷為目標。該學派認為當個體為了服務社群,必然會努力上進,提昇自己的能力,於己於人兩蒙其利。

阿德勒說個體出生時,即具有社會情懷的潛力,但是必須經過照顧者的啟發,社會情懷才能發展出來。受到過度驕寵或疏忽的孩子,不可能開展出社會情懷。當孩子進入幼兒園,對孩子的社會情懷是一大考驗;進入小學時,若孩子不具有社會情懷,那麼學校的團體生活,對孩子將會是極大的震撼。阿德勒指出,「上學」這件事,必須是在社會情懷上預備好的孩子,才不會產生適應不良的症狀。有些幼年便被疏忽的孩子,常讓學校教師難以靠近,他們對於接受關懷,有很大的阻抗。他們不是「壞」孩子,而是其成長歷程,比較缺乏正向的人際接觸,在關心別人和接受關心兩方面非常困難。常態家庭長大的孩子,若父母的教養不當,孩子的行為也會產生偏差。阿德勒學派主張有偏差行為的孩子是氣餒的孩子、失去勇氣的孩子,不是壞孩子。

阿德勒學派的另一個重要概念是行為的目的性,即個體的行為動向無不朝著追求優越目標而運作。歸屬感與價值感是孩童的基本目標。人必須有勇氣去克服為追求優越目標所遭遇的困難,這也是阿德勒所說的,克服困難的勇氣是孩子最重要的資產。得到鼓勵的孩子,才有這種勇氣。

阿德勒學派的學者,Dinkmeyer與Mekay(本書作者),以社會情懷及行為的目的性為理念,發展出著名親職教育訓練方案:STEP(Systematic Training for Effective Parenting)。該方案主要內涵有辨識孩子的行為目的、鼓勵、傾聽、邏輯後果、民主討論技巧。這些技巧強調父母在親子互動中示範民主的態度和行為,營造鼓勵的家庭氛圍,滋養孩子的勇氣與自我價值,並在邏輯後果的訓練下,培養自我負責的能力。

筆者個人師事阿德勒心理治療的大師Stein Henry三年,非常喜歡阿德勒心理學的精湛,卻又不失其平易與生活化。《阿德勒的父母成長課》是一本手冊式的工具書,把阿德勒學派的概念轉化成淺顯易讀的工具書。讀者可從實作中來學習,按照書中的建議,一步一步地跟著練習,將體驗到教養效能的提升。除了身為父母的人受益,對教師,親職教育專家,助人工作者等而言,本書也很具參考價值。

我是阿德勒學派的愛好者,很高興能為本書寫推薦序,此過程再度閱讀本書,收穫仍然滿滿。

專文推薦

1997年,我在新加坡學習「父母效能系統訓練」課程,1999年起,則在馬來西亞開始帶領這套課程,及至回到臺北又於2008年起,在大臺北地區帶領高效能父母課程,《阿德勒的父母成長課》系列三書,一直是我在教養兩個女兒,以及領導其他家長學習這套親職課程時,不可或缺的教科書。因此今天,我和兩個女兒的關係親密而良好,講座分享、課程帶領也獲得無數家長的肯定,都應該要歸功於這套書籍,特別是,我自己所出版的兩本書《高效能父母學》、《孩子為什麼會這樣》,必須說,如果沒有這套書籍為我奠基、加持,我應該無法將它們完整地書寫出來。

「父母效能系統訓練」課程雖然已有四十年的歷史,然而,無論是運用在教養以前的孩子,或是現代的孩子,都證實是切實可行、成效驚人的教養法,所以,如果你努力學習扮演好父母的角色,卻依然覺得辛苦又挫折,那趕快來了解一下到底自己是哪裡搞錯了?我相信從這套系列書籍中,你,一定可以找出解答,並且成為一個稱職又愉快的父母!

「父母效能系統訓練」資深領導員 李顯文


專文推薦

很多人,包括我在內,都是「開始當父母以後,才開始學習怎麼樣去當父母」的。所以,當父母不但是人生中一個重要的考驗,也是絕對需要「自學」的課程。幸運的是,目前市面上已經有許多親職教育的書籍,幫助我們如何去當一個稱職且有效的父母。

「阿德勒學派」藉由探討兒童行為背後真正的目的,教導父母有效的引導孩子,把錯誤目標與行為變成獨立自主、負責的表現──以「鼓勵」代替「讚美」,以「自然而合理」的後果代替「懲罰」,以「反映式傾聽」和「我的訊息」,增進父母與孩子間的溝通與瞭解。

本系列三書的特色在於教導父母如何了解孩子的「需要」及「能力」,建立「可達成的目標」;以積極的溝通和適當的鼓勵,為孩子建立自信心與溝通的能力。以合理的限制與充分的自由,培養孩子自律的精神,進而勇於面對挑戰、克服挫折,成為一個負責任、有自信、充滿愛的健全成人。

親子作家 陳安儀


前言

我們相信成為高效能的父母親,是人生中最有回報、最值得的事情之一,同時也是人生中最具有挑戰性的工作之一。然而看看坊間報章雜誌以及電視所報導的一些有關教養孩童的理論,往往是互相矛盾的,要從裡頭整理出一套可遵行的原則,可以想見有多困難!

《阿德勒的父母成長課》《阿德勒的幼兒教養課》《阿德勒的青少年教養課》系列三書是以「父母效能系統訓練」(Systematic Training for Effective Parenting, STEP)為經緯,以改善親子關係為目標,提供了一套實際可行的方法。《阿德勒的父母成長課─全心接納,肯定孩子做自己》是由阿德勒學派的基本概念發展,應用民主哲學來教養孩童的指南,到目前已經有超過四百萬父母證實這套方法的效果。如果你能把書中提到的技巧和原則做實際的應用,這套訓練方法將造福你和你的家人;然而,成功與否則全賴你是否真正有心,是否真正投入而定了。

我們建議家長自定時間,依自己的進度每週讀畢並練習一章,九週讀完本書。最好是在一週的開始讀完一章,然後,在週間研究問題情境,練習章末所附的問答題,以及復習該章所提示的重要理念,並請確切的在這一週內花時間實踐列出的活動。

許多父母利用參加家長團體來增進教養的技巧,在美國有成千的團體活動,提供父母討論觀念和共同分享經驗的機會;在臺灣,這類成長團體也正蓬勃發展。經過勤奮不懈的研究和應用─不論你自己個別學習或跟著團體一起學習─都能成功的「畢業」,成為更有效能的父母。如果你願意貫徹到底,我們確信《阿德勒的父母成長課》將幫助你獲得成功父母的獎賞。

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2种选择
欣叶 御大福 芋头麻薯 180g

周销量 600+

$1.66 $1.99 83折

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KingStone